I have been guilty of these. 

• They never seem to notice my contributions.
• I spend a lot of time ruminating about things I can’t control.
• I’m waiting until things settle down before I make a move.
• I say yes when I really mean no.
• I show up for others in ways I don’t show up for myself.

How about you?

It can be easy to fall into these patterns that feed on each other. Then time flies by, and you find yourself wondering why you have stalled or feel stuck or haven’t landed on your path.

Worse, if these patterns persist, you arrive at midlife with a lackluster career and a list of regrets. No one wants that! 

So what can you do?

Instead of drifting. Instead of waiting. Instead of winging it, you can lead yourself.  This means taking intentional ownership of your career and life–your mindset, your choices, and your direction.

This isn’t woo-woo stuff. I’ve seen the transformation firsthand of hundreds of women who have gone through Momentum, our self-leadership program. Here’s a sampling of the change they described experiencing–from being:

These outcomes inspired Part 1 of my forthcoming book, UP!: The Playbook for Every Woman on the Rise. 

And the story that caused me to wake up and start leading myself is excerpted here:

When I was in my 20s, I didn’t know there was something I could be doing to lead myself. I had the mindset of many young professionals I knew at the time: Graduate. Get a job. Work hard. Play hard. Sleep little. And do it all over again day after day, weekend after weekend.

This led to patterns of destructive behaviors. Working too many hours. Partying too much. Showing no sense of self-responsibility or safety. I hitchhiked home from bars while drunk. I dated guys who didn’t respect me. I hung out with friends who made even worse decisions than I did, which helped to ensure that my standards stayed exceptionally low.

On the job, however, I was killing it. I was doing excellent work and getting great reviews from my boss. Because I was performing at a high level, I assumed everything was good. Besides, I was young!

One Saturday, I went to a neighborhood bar to watch the Ohio State football game with friends. Feeling generous after receiving a small bonus, I bought beer for the whole gang. This lasted for hours until I ran out of money. When the game ended, everyone left, including the skanky guy I mistakenly thought I was dating. (Given the quickie sex we’d just had in the musty stairwell, my judgment was seriously lacking on many levels.) It was dark, late, and cold. I was broke and buzzed and couldn’t find anyone to give me a lift home (no Ubers then). I was an effing mess.

The payphone ate my last quarter when I called one of my sisters for a ride and got her voicemail instead (no cellphones then either). Just at that moment, a hunched, disheveled old man who had been sitting on a bench nearby shuffled over to me. I was looking around anxiously to see if I knew anyone nearby when he reached into the pocket of his threadbare coat and pulled out a handful of change. In a raspy voice, he suggested I take enough for bus fare—a quarter and a dime—and told me which bus to catch. My face hot with shame, I thanked him and took his money. I cried all the way home.

Looking in the mirror later, I wondered: Is this who I am? Is this what I want out of my life? Hell no, I shouted back at myself.

As I had done on so many earlier occasions, I could have blamed my friends or the guy who deserted me that day. But this time, I saw my icky situation for what it really was: a painfully clear sign that I wasn’t driving my own life. I was thrashing around, leaving everything to chance or to my own poor judgment. I suddenly understood that I had to take responsibility for myself—my attitude, my choices, my behavior.  And I realized that it was time—right then and there—to start making some decisions about where I wanted my life to go. 

You don’t have to have hit rock bottom like I did to come to the conclusion that you want your life to go somewhere better. You may be languishing in a dead-end job or a relationship that’s unsatisfying. Or you could just be stuck in routines or habits that are holding you in place. But when you finally have the little lightning bolt moment I did (or maybe yours will be a less dramatic, persistent nudge), you’ll know you’re ready to lead yourself.

It’s a great feeling when you realize how much power you have to influence your future. There are smart things you can do today—starting right now—to become more sure of who you are, what you believe, and what you’re capable of. Together, these acts of self-leadership will give you the confidence, strength, and agility to go where you want to go and be the person you want to be as you move through every chapter of your life.

When you lead yourself, you will pay more attention to every aspect of your life. You will react less and make more thoughtful, intentional choices. You will know what’s important to you and what you need to get where you want to go. Self-leadership puts you in the driver’s seat of your life, which is exactly where you want to be. Moving forward and up.

If you want to learn how to lead yourself, you’ll get step-by-step guidance by reading UP!. Pre-order now to receive exclusive bonuses or share the link with a friend who could use a boost.

You are equipt  to start leading yourself.