I’ve been watching the traditional wife or “trad wife” movement gain momentum, and many women in the Equipt community have asked me what I think about it, so here’s my take.

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If you’ve been scrolling Instagram or TikTok lately, you’ve probably seen them too—women in prairie-style dresses making bread from scratch, growing herbs, and talking about how fulfilled they are as traditional wives and mothers. Or maybe you caught the headlines from a recent “leadership conference” in Dallas, where attendees were encouraged to forego college, find a husband, and have lots of babies. Their rallying cries included:

•  “Less feminism. More femininity.” 
• “Here’s to the return of the Mrs. degree.”
• “Less burnout. More babies.”

I understand the appeal. The trad wife movement taps into modern-day anxieties. It’s a counter-narrative to the pressures of juggling a career and family. It offers an escape route for women who still aren’t paid and promoted at the same rates as men. And since most women still handle the majority of household chores, the trad wife movement feels like an invitation to a lighter, more joyful workload (even if it pays nothing). This narrative can be even more convincing because many employers have cut back on (or never offered) flexible hours and don’t provide first-world parental benefits.

Think about it. There’s something alluring about kneading dough in a sunlit gourmet kitchen on a Tuesday (although I’d be bored out of my mind).

But we need to get real about what’s really going on here. (Hint: the problem isn’t the bread.)

There’s nothing wrong with choosing to stay home and prioritizing family. Those are valid choices, and I respect the women who make them. (My mom stayed home and raised 9 kids.) My issues aren’t with individual women making personal decisions about their lives. Instead, these are my big beefs:

1. This movement is a step backward. Every generation of women has fought for more opportunities, more choices, and more freedom. The trad wife movement, despite its claims about choice, is a step backward. A narrowing of choice. They promote the idea that motherhood is the ultimate female achievement – that having children is every woman’s primary purpose. They underscore that motherhood is our “natural” role and that anything else is just… secondary or not worth pursuing. This narrative is incredibly damaging. It tells women who can’t have children that they’re somehow incomplete. It tells women who choose not to have children that they’re selfish or missing out on their “true calling.” And it tells women who want to be mothers AND have careers that they can’t possibly do both well. It’s limiting all of us. And it pits women against each other when we all benefit more by coming together and supporting each other’s real choices.

2. This movement is manipulative. With its carefully curated calmness and aspirational lifestyle imagery, the movement reframes the choice as a form of self-care and intentional living. Women are being told their highest calling is to be beautiful, domestic, and supportive of men’s ambitions (and to always be happy, smiling, and camera-ready). The movement doesn’t help young women discover who they are (outside of their parents), what they believe, or what they want. It doesn’t help them realize their own potential or power from within. It doesn’t emphasize choosing a spouse who is an equal, loving partner. Women are pressured into believing their worth depends solely on how well they can serve others, rather than on what they can accomplish independently. (And why does the word “achieve” bother so many in the movement?)

3. This lifestyle requires financial privilege. Many trad wives can choose to stay home because their husbands make enough to support an entire family on one income (or they have family money). That’s not an option for most people. The median household income in the US requires two earners. Most families can’t afford to have someone opt out of the workforce entirely. So when this lifestyle is promoted without acknowledging the substantial financial means required, it’s essentially telling working mothers they’re doing it wrong—when they’re actually doing what they have to do to survive. And there’s an uglier side: sometimes a husband urges or insists his wife leave the workforce to be a trad wife, but he actually can’t afford to support her or their family on his paycheck alone. Financial stress can turn into resentment (or even abuse), and she may find herself trapped after years out of the workforce with fewer options to leave.

4. This choice limits women’s futures. What happens to these young women in 10, 20, or 30 years if or when things don’t turn out as they dreamed? Few women consider this because it’s too practical. Easy to dismiss. It rains on their otherwise perfectly sunny days. Here’s the truth: life is unpredictable. Half of marriages end. Spouses get sick or die. Economic circumstances change–and sometimes dramatically (income doesn’t always go up and up). When women give up their careers, financial independence, and professional networks for marriage and children, they lose the ability to support themselves if they need to. Then what? I’ve seen too many women try to re-enter the workforce after years away, struggling to land interviews and competing with people who have been building their careers the whole time. They begrudgingly accept jobs paying minimum wage or entry-level salaries to make ends meet. It’s brutal, and it’s heartbreaking. After a divorce, single with several kids, many women I know thought they had more wealth, only to find out they have far more debt. Now, they feel trapped, forced to remarry someone who can provide for them, but the pickings are slim.

The tragedy of the trad wife movement is that it doesn’t address this reality. It doesn’t discuss retirement planning, or what happens if your husband leaves, or how to maintain your professional identity while you’re home. And it NEVER talks about the importance of becoming financially literate and an active partner in money management, including budgeting and investing.  

It only shows the pretty parts.

We can do better. We must do better.

We need a more complete narrative that expands the choices for women, not narrows them. And those choices need to include the tradeoffs, not cleverly packaged mantras. That means:

• Recognizing that many women work because they find it fulfilling to pursue their aspirations or they need to support their families.
• Recognizing that some women may not regard marriage or family as their top priority or may arrive at that choice later in life.
• Encouraging women to maintain some professional connections even if they step back from work.
• Suggesting women keep some professional skills fresh by working part-time.
• Talking openly about the importance of building financial literacy and not abdicating money decisions to a spouse.

We also need workplace pay equality and generous parental benefits so that women feel their professional efforts are valued. At home, women need an equitable distribution of household chores so that they are no longer doing two full-time jobs when raising kids. These are two enormous, unmet needs that could change everything for women.

When that happens, only time will tell which choices women are genuinely drawn to. I suspect fewer of them include wearing a sundress and making sourdough.

You’re equipt to assess the trad movement for yourself,

Kelly

P.S. I’d love to hear from you, especially if you disagree on this one!