I have had to learn many things the hard way. It’s often been messy and sometimes downright painful. In hindsight, I’ve learned that it was also one of the best ways for me to grow.

Maybe it was the dotcom bubble bursting in 2000, causing us to do three rounds of layoffs for the first time in the company’s almost-20-year history, as many of our competitors went out of business.

Or, a little over one year later, when the world stood aghast as the twin towers fell. Lives were lost. Unspeakable agony ensued. And while our organization didn’t lose family members, colleagues, or clients, many of our projects came to a screeching halt for months. As a result, we had little revenue to cover the expenses. 

Or in 2008, when the financial crisis set in, major clients pulled back spending, delayed assignments, and canceled contracts. We had a lot of great people on staff, and yet again, uncertainty about whether we could pay them.

Or in 2013, we acquired a smaller agency whose CEO decided to undermine me at every turn, despite his eagerness to sell his company. We inherited a business that wasn’t nearly as healthy as it was presented to be. Now, we’re burdened with loans and the stress of whether this combined company can succeed.

Each of these events introduced heightened levels of stress and anxiety, not to mention sleepless nights and bouts of self-doubt. Can I handle this? How can I handle this?

So, what did this hardship teach me exactly?

There will always be difficult days, or a string of them. There will always be difficult people. (Sometimes too many of them.) And difficult conversations. (These are unavoidable.) And, there will be unexpected curveballs. Lots of curveballs.

In short, shit happens. Roll with it.

That’s the heart of chapter 6, Bounce Back, in my new book, UP!: The Playbook for Every Woman on the Rise, written with my sister, Katy Mooney. It’s about the importance of handling tough stuff. It’s about building resilience by practicing 3 key steps.

Here’s an excerpt:

It’s inevitable: Tough things happen at work that are unexpected or unwanted. Organizations merge, restructure, impose layoffs, delay or cancel projects, deny promotions, and enact hiring and spending freezes. 

Tough stuff happens in life, too—breakups, rejection, arguments with friends, the loss of someone we love, health or financial challenges.

Any of these events is likely to be upsetting. Or worse, they might cause you to feel paralyzed, anxious, or depressed. But clinging to your fear or disappointment and dwelling on bad experiences is like stepping in quicksand—you’re not going anywhere. This is why the ability to bounce back from misfortune or mistakes and power through setbacks is a key skill in every part of your life. Resilience allows you to recover more quickly and not lose your momentum. It also helps reduce stress and allows you to better cope in the face of any kind of change. 

Employers value resilient employees because they contribute to a more stable and productive work environment and improve morale. Your resilience benefits you because you can pivot quickly and increase your impact in difficult situations. 

Being resilient is a major asset. But becoming a resilient person is easier said than done. Disappointments, anxiety, and personal failures have a way of taking hold of you. How can you get good at bouncing back faster? 

Process your emotions. When you experience an event that causes you to feel angry, discouraged, or just plain bummed out, notice your emotions. Give yourself an hour to acknowledge all of your feelings. If something has truly knocked you off balance, take 24 hours, a few days, or even a week if needed to think it through.

Reframe. Now turn your attention from the negative to the positive. What possibilities or lessons have come out of this event? This is known as reframing the situation. Ask yourself a series of questions to flip the script from negative to positive:

• Did I do my best? If yes, great! If not, what can I improve?
• What can I learn from this experience?
• What new skills did I discover or strengthen?
• What skills did I discover that need to be strengthened?
• What unexpected positive outcomes might come from this?
• Will this matter in five months or five years?

Put the learning to work for you. Think about how you will use what you learned to bounce back in the future:

• How might I apply what I’ve learned to a future project?
• What could I do to help my teammates bounce back from a future setback?
• What resources would help me to navigate this effectively?
• What different choices would I make next time?

As you consider these questions, your perspective will shift, and you will discover a constructive path forward. You will also find that you grow through what you go through. With practice, you will bounce back more quickly and instinctively each time you experience a setback. 

Things that don’t go the way you hoped deserve your attention. While your confidence might be temporarily shaken, just give yourself a chance to understand what happened and how it might impact what you do next time around. Then move on. Over a lifetime, there will be days when resilience feels like the most valuable asset you’ve got.

Think about it
Recall a recent setback that you found difficult to recover from. What issues or obstacles hindered your progress? 

Make a move

Reframe the setback to focus on what you learned. Note one specific thing you’ll do differently in the future because of what you learned. 

I’d love to hear about a setback YOU have navigated and the strategies you used to bounce back. 

If you like this type of practical, how-to content and want to go deeper, you can access our free tools and learn more about UP! on our website.

You are equipt to bounce back.