I’ve been at my job for nearly two years and was recently assigned to report to someone new. We joined the company in the same timeframe, and she is a couple of years older than me. We’re considered peers (same title and level), but she is my boss now because I was moved on to the project she’s leading. I am okay with reporting to her but struggle with her management style. She is a workaholic (sending emails and texts after 10 pm and over the weekends) and has been micromanaging me. For example, she requires a daily 60-minute check-in at 6:00-7:00 pm, even though our working hours are 8:30-5:30.
On the last Friday of December ( after we logged out for the holiday), she sent a text message at 7:20 pm asking for another hour-long debrief to commence 10 minutes later. There were no emergencies or critical updates, so this request seemed like a power play. My instinct was to ignore her text, but I replied, “Can we put a pin in it until the new year? I’m exhausted. Have a well-deserved holiday break.” She was displeased by my reply and insisted we maintain after-hours check-ins in 2025. I want to decline those meeting requests, but that might not be a good move.
I am hardworking and want a positive relationship with her, but her requests seem unreasonable. Or am I the unreasonable one? I am unsure how to handle the situation. What can I do? Victoria, 24
A. Asking if you’re the unreasonable one is a good place to start. 👍 It’s always healthy to assess your perceptions and behaviors first. You’re doing that, so good job! Given what you shared, I can assure you that your boss is not being reasonable. Let’s unpack this a bit more so I can shed light on her behavior and suggest some strategies for navigating to a better place.
Let’s start with your boss. If the two of you are peers and she is only a couple of years older than you, she may have had very little manager training. 📚 If she sends texts after 10 pm and over the weekends, she may be over her head at work or has chosen to forego a personal life. She may be trying to “prove” that she is up for the role she’s been given. On top of that, she may feel she has to assert her authority by demanding after-hours meetings because she hasn’t learned more effective approaches. Nonetheless, her choices do not need to be your choices; you have some options.
1. Have a conversation. It’s difficult but important to open the dialog. You could ask for a quick call to align on expectations. Then, you could say, “I want to have a good working relationship with you. I am happy to debrief daily if that works best for you. Can we do it at 8:30 am to make sure my priorities are clear for the day? I have personal obligations in the evening, so the time you suggested doesn’t work for me.” (Pro tip: you don’t need to elaborate on what your obligations are.) Also, I suggest avoiding using the word “boundary” as it can be triggering to someone who works too much.
2. Know your limits. Decide what time you will no longer respond to work emails or texts. Use the “do not disturb” function on your phone and honor it. 🔕 Once you begin replying to late-night messages, it’s challenging to reset your boundary. If there is a high-profile project, emergency or a tight deadline, it’s wise to flex this boundary temporarily to be a good team player–but that should be the exception, not the norm.
3. Use clear and direct language. Avoid phrases such as “put a pin in it,” as they can be perceived differently than intended. 🗣She may think those words are disrespectful, insubordinate, or unclear. A better reply would be, “I am not available. Is there something specific you need, or can this wait until Monday?”
4. Don’t decline the meetings without a conversation. Resist the urge to decline the meeting request until you have talked about a better route moving forward. 💬 Instead, acknowledge that you appreciate her guidance and want to keep her updated. However, daily check-ins take up valuable time for accomplishing all the tasks on your plate.
5. Offer a written daily progress report. Most professional workers do not need a 60-minute daily debrief with their manager. Many don’t have that level of interaction weekly or bi-weekly. Perhaps this could be useful to both of you for the first 30 or 60 days until you have a good flow, but it’s excessive and unnecessary afterward. Suggest that to make the best use of her time, you will provide a daily email summary of tasks accomplished and priorities for the following day. 📧 This will reduce the need for daily check-ins or shorten them dramatically. Propose a format and ask her if she has preferences for the level of detail and time sent.
Trust your gut. You’re being reasonable and can guide her to a better outcome for both of you.
You’re equipt to succeed with a peer manager. 🌟
