Q: My company is hosting a holiday party next week. My mentor keeps telling me that it’s a great chance to bond with my team, but I’m dreading it. I’m new, still finding my footing, and pretty introverted. I don’t drink, so I don’t love being in big social settings where everyone is drinking and gossiping.
I feel this pressure to go because I don’t want to look disengaged or uninterested. At the same time, I’m tired of pretending these types of events create deeper relationships. I do want to connect with my coworkers, just in ways that feel more natural to me. What do you think? Should I go?
– Amaya, 26
A. Your instinct to question whether this is the right move for you is actually really healthy—it shows self-awareness. But I’d gently encourage you to go, even briefly, and here’s why:
Your mentor is right that these events matter, but probably not for the reasons you’re dreading. It’s less about forming deep bonds over cocktails and more about basic visibility and approachability. As someone new, just showing up signals that you’re part of the team and interested in being there. Not going can sometimes read as standoffish, even when that’s not your intent at all.
The good news? You don’t have to stay long or pretend to be someone you’re not. Here’s how to make it work for you:
- Make a strategic appearance. Aim for 45-60 minutes. Arrive when things are getting started (less overwhelming than walking into a packed room), make genuine conversation with 3-4 people, and leave before the event peaks. You can always say you have other plans or that you need to be up early.
- Have a drink in your hand. Sparkling water, soda, cranberry juice—whatever. It gives you something to do with your hands and means people won’t keep offering you alcohol—no explanation needed.
- Find the other introverts. Look for people on the edges or in smaller conversations. Often, the most interesting connections happen in these quieter pockets, not in the loud center of the room.
- Plan some conversation starters. Ask people about their holiday plans, how long they’ve been with the company, and what projects they’re excited about. People love talking about themselves, and you’ll come across as engaged without having to perform.
- Follow up afterward. This is where you can play to your strengths. Send a quick message to someone you talked to: “Great chatting with you last night—would love to hear more about that project over coffee sometime.” That’s where real relationships form anyway.
The truth is, office relationships are built through lots of small, repeated interactions over time—not one magical party. But skipping visible team events when you’re new can make those everyday interactions harder to build. Think of this as a small investment in making your day-to-day work life easier and more connected down the road.
You’ve got this. Show up, be yourself, and leave when you’re ready. You might surprise yourself by having a little more fun than you expected.You’re equipt to slay that company holiday party,
