I’ve always tried to be a loving and engaged parent. Most of the time, I think I’m doing pretty well. At least, I’m doing the best I can.
Earlier in my career, I traveled often, worked long hours, and felt the pressure to ensure our new acquisition succeeded. I was also raising two angsty teenagers going through a tough phase, as many do (need I say more? 😅). My son was especially indignant, believing he was always right and I was always wrong. He took every chance to argue and defy the rules we set. As a straight-A student, he felt this entitled him to be rude, dismissive, and ignore his curfew.
Being a teenager is hard, and being a parent of teenagers can be even harder, especially while balancing stressful dynamics at work. (Can you relate?)
Then one day, after years of tense teen-parenting struggles, he was different. Calmer. Kinder. More thoughtful. I asked him, “What’s up? You seem changed. You seem… uh, contemplative.” (Yes, I used that word.) Without missing a beat, he said brightly, “I’m over the hump.”
I asked him what he meant. He answered in a straightforward tone as if it were the clearest truth: “Well, on one side of the hump, you’re selfish. You don’t care enough about other people. On the other side, you choose to be a better person. To be kind and concerned about others. You live a thoughtful, deliberate life.”
I was stunned. 😲
His clarity. The simplicity. The transformation. This kid was no longer a kid. No longer a bratty, know-it-all teen. He was something else, someone else entirely.
I broke down in tears, elated to see this revelation. I knew it wasn’t BS. It was real. I then showed him a text message I had sent to one of my sisters two years earlier, lamenting that I had “run out of parenting skills.” I handed him my phone and watched him read the message. He looked at me and said, “Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Then he hugged me.
I told him I didn’t show him the message to make him feel bad. I showed him because I wanted him to witness his own growth. He had come so far, and I was immensely proud of him. It felt sudden, but getting “over the hump” is often a gradual process that only seems sudden in hindsight. It’s about overcoming challenges and intentionally forging a new path. More than a decade later, he’s thriving, with a great job, a Master’s degree from UC Berkeley, and a healthy long-term relationship — and we’re closer than ever.
Humps aren’t simply struggles of teen angst. They come at different times in different forms. Everyone has a hump. Maybe yours could be:
- A breakup
- Loneliness
- A job loss
- Career uncertainty
- Financial stress
- Past trauma
- Grief
Or something else entirely. But here’s the thing. Getting over your hump is a choice. While it might not feel like it or look like it on the surface, it is. Will you wallow in your misery, or will you do something about it? While it’s not easy, it’s that simple. Here’s how:
- Accept that it is temporary. Remind yourself that no storm lasts forever. Hardships are temporary, and you have overcome challenges before. (My dad always wisely said, “This too shall pass.”)
- Look for the good. Even in difficult situations, focus on something positive. Yes, the silver lining, no matter how small. This can help you maintain a more hopeful outlook and focus on what you’re learning from this moment.
- Reframe as a challenge to be solved. Yes, it sucks, but not indefinitely, because you view it as a puzzle, not a problem. This will shift your perspective from being overwhelmed to actively seeking solutions.
- Get rooted in your values. Reflect on what is truly important to you. Creativity? Health? Community? There are dozens of possible values, and finding a few that deeply resonate with you will help you uncover the meaning you want to pursue. Use our free Values worksheet to get started. Want to go deeper? Join the Momentum Method (learn more here).
- Find inspiration that grounds you. It could be people, places, books, or brands that get your heart beating. Surround yourself with pictures, quotations, or objects that put inspiration in front of you–on the fridge, on your laptop, mirror, or desk.
- Ask for help. Resist going solo. No one builds a career or life on their own. As I always say, “Self-made is not a thing.” It takes friends, family, co-workers, teachers, and more. And if your hump is far too great, reach out for professional assistance such as a therapist, clergy, or coach.
- Take the leap. It doesn’t have to be a daring jump. Better yet, a baby step. Then another. And another. Small steps add up to big changes over time. It’s the consistency and commitment that will build the momentum you crave.
Getting over the hump is a gradual process, and then it seems to happen suddenly. For my son, an influential 11th-grade AP English class may have been the tipping point. His class was assigned to read “Walden” by Henry David Thoreau, the famous 19th-century American essayist, poet, and philosopher. In short, instead of just letting life happen, Thoreau chose to live deliberately — becoming a conscious, thoughtful participant and making progress step by step.
Live deliberately. Two words worth pondering. 💭
You are equipt to get over the hump.
