I’ve been with my company for a few years, and I know I have the potential to move up, but I’ve always felt like I’m waiting for a sign or direction. Lately, I’ve been taking more initiative, but my boss hasn’t given me any feedback, good or bad. The problem is it seems like my colleagues are getting uncomfortable or jealous of me pushing ahead. How can I keep leading myself and advancing my career without causing tension on my team?
A. I hear two things in this question: waiting for feedback and managing colleagues’ reactions.
The keyword here is “waiting,” which typically won’t serve you well. Most managers are either too busy or undertrained to provide constructive feedback unprompted. Don’t just ask, “How am I doing?” Instead, get specific about what you’re trying to improve.
💡 Try this approach: “I’m working on improving my executive presence, especially during key meetings. Have you noticed any improvement? What specific areas could I focus on to improve my presence?“
As for the tension with colleagues, ask yourself honestly: “Am I doing or saying something that might be triggering their discomfort?” If yes, own it and address it directly. If not, remember what my yoga teacher always says: “Stay on your mat.” This isn’t the same as “stay in your lane.” It’s about focusing on your own growth journey rather than comparing yourself to others.
If you’re concerned about tension with co-workers, have a direct conversation with a colleague you trust. 💡 Try: “I’m noticing some tension, and I’d like to clear the air. Is there something I’m doing that’s contributing to this? If so, I want to understand and own my part. My goal is for us to have a strong working relationship.”
Most people also want better relationships. If approached constructively, these conversations often strengthen bonds rather than damaging them.
But remember that pursuing upward mobility is nothing to apologize for.
Not everyone wants the same career path, but if advancement is your goal, embrace it. 🙋♀️ Focus on how you want to grow and add value to your organization.
I’ve always tried to be proactive and take initiative, but my boss is a classic micromanager. She wants updates on everything and often intervenes and takes over my tasks. It’s frustrating because I want to grow and show people I’m capable, but I’m not being given the room to do so. At the same time, I don’t want to come across as defensive or resistant to feedback. How can I develop as a self-leader and build my boss’s trust even when they’re reluctant to let go of control?
A. When dealing with a micromanager, first try to understand why they behave this way.
- Your boss might:
- Lack proper training
- Feel overwhelmed or in over their head
- Worry your work will reflect poorly on them
- Be under pressure from their own manager or leadership
Instead of confronting her about micromanaging (which will likely create defensiveness), frame the conversation in terms of making her job easier:
💡“I want to have a great working relationship with you and meet your expectations efficiently. What’s the best way for us to work together? I’m happy to provide daily or weekly recaps – whatever would be most helpful while respecting your time.”
Then, try these self-leadership tactics:
- When she tries to jump in: “I’d love to save you time–let me bring this to you when I’m finished.”
- For meetings: “I didn’t invite you because I can handle it. I’ll debrief you afterward.”
- Ask for examples: “Are there sample documents I can reference to ensure I meet your expectations?”
Most importantly, consistently deliver excellent work. 📈 When you demonstrate reliability, a micromanager is likely to loosen their grip.
Remember, challenging bosses teach us valuable lessons, too. They help clarify who you don’t want to become and the leadership style you want to avoid. For more insight on dealing with a boss who micromanagers, check out this newsletter.
You are equipt to lead yourself, 💪
