I am exhausted all the time with two toddlers and a demanding job. I feel like my home is always a wreck with dishes in the sink, laundry on the sofa waiting to be folded, and a long list of ongoing chores. My husband says he’s happy to help but I don’t want to delegate to him. I want him to SEE what needs to be done and do it. It’s just easier to go to work and not think about any of this. How can I get to a better place? – Rachana, 30
A. Being a mom of young kids while building a career is challenging and sometimes overwhelming. 🤯And, when you’re so tired and frustrated, it can be hard to think about how to try a new approach. However, you’re tolerating a lot – both emotional labor and physical labor which is taking its toll. Here are some suggestions:
1. Let your spouse know you are in a difficult place and need his support and partnership.
2. Make a comprehensive list of ongoing household chores. Use our handy chore grid to plot what is important vs. unimportant, what you enjoy doing (or don’t), and what you might outsource, barter, or ignore. Ask your partner to do the same. This way you can align, he can better “see” what needs to be done and you no longer delegate.
3. Give your kids small tasks, even as toddlers. Let them put the toilet paper on the holder, load their dishes in the dishwasher, place their toys in a box each night before bed, or help pack their lunch. Let them know that everyone contributes in your family.
4. Perhaps it’s time for some outside help once or twice per month. Having a service responsible for deep cleaning can let you and your family focus on tidying up. 🧹 This will create more space for “fun” on weekends.
5. As Shannon Glass, VP at Nike and mom of 4 kids, said to me in a recent interview, “You have to lower your standards for things that don’t really matter in the long run.” That might mean overlooking wrinkled tee shirts and mismatched socks. 🧦
You’re overwhelmed right now, but this phase won’t last forever. Try some of these strategies to ease your load. Over time, your tolerations will feel more manageable as your kids grow. For now, go easy on yourself. You’re juggling an incredible amount and it will get easier over time.
My living situation is making me crazy. Noisy neighbors stomp above me, loud music at all hours, and a tiny cramped studio apartment where I work remotely. I still have six months on my lease. How can I gain some sanity without breaking my lease? – Jeni, 27
A.Sounds like it’s hard to concentrate or rest. No wonder you want more sanity.
Accepting these irritants is something referred to as “tolerations.” You’ve already completed step 1, which is identifying things that bother you. The next step is addressing things within your control. Have you tried politely asking the neighbors above you to consider taking off their shoes early in the morning and late at night and keeping the music down? If they don’t have neighbors above them, they may be unaware that their day-to-day life is causing you distress. Let them know you are working remotely and would appreciate their attempts to keep noise levels within reasonable limits. 🙏
If your apartment is tiny, try a nearby coffee shop or library as a way to break up your day. Your employer may offer a stipend for a desk in a coworking space. Consider arranging one meeting per day as a “walk and talk” so you can get fresh air and accomplish a project update simultaneously.🚶♀️
Also, people break leases every day. If you can replace yourself with a new tenant who will sublease or take over your lease, most landlords are amenable. And, Facebook is loaded with people searching for short-term leases.
Lastly, it’s never too soon to start looking for a neighborhood that reduces your unnecessary tolerations and meets more of your core needs. 🏠
P.S. What are you struggling with? What aspects do you wish you had more guidance on? Share your questions with us by filling out this quick form. We might just answer your question in our next edition. 😉
